30. Dawn in Russia

“The dawn will begin in Russia,” I observed, “when everyone will be better off financially When the economy as a whole improves, and individuals see a rise in their incomes.”

‘All the material things you see around you depend on Man’s spirit and conscious awareness,” Anastasia’s grandfa-ther responded.

“Okay, maybe. But what’s the point in erudite philoso-phies, if people can’t afford to feed or clothe themselves?” “They need to think about why that has been happening. Each one needs to figure it out for themselves. And stop try-ing to find a scapegoat. Only by changing themselves within will they change anything around them, including their financial situation. I agree with you that people will not be able to ac-cept this all at once. But Anastasia said, after all: ‘You have to do without moral preaching. You have to show people how, that’s all.’ And she showed how.

“Now it’s up to you to carry out what she outlined. Then, within the space of three years, many communities through-out Siberia — large, small, forgotten and neglected, where there are only old people still living whose children don’t even come for a visit, will become richer, many times richer. Their life will bloom abundantly, and many children will return.

‘And she will have much more than that to offer. She will reveal many secrets, she will restore people’s abilities and the knowledge inherent in our pristine origins. Russia will be a most wealthy land. And she will do this to prove that the spirituality and knowledge inherent in our pristine origins are

more significant than the futile efforts of technocracy. Russia will herald a new dawn over the whole Earth.”

‘And what do I have to do to bring it about?”

“You can start by revealing the first secret related to you by Anastasia. You should write in your book how to produce healing oil from the cedar nut. And don’t hold anything back.”

I suddenly felt everything boiling up inside me. The wind was literally knocked out of me. I couldn’t sit, and jumped to my feet.

“Why? Tell me why! Why should I suddenly turn around and do that? For everybody For free. Any sane person would think I was an idiot...

“I set up an expedition, and I put into it everything I had. Now my firm’s been ruined. Anastasia asked me to write a book, and I wrote it. And now we’re even. Your aspirations, your philosophy — that’s not something I can readily com-prehend. All I did was put it down on paper, as I promised Anastasia I would...

“But the oil — well, that’s something that’s completely clear to me. I know now how much I can get for it. And I’ll never share the technology with anybody. I’ll scrape together a little money from selling the books and then I’ll start producing it myself. I’ve got to put everything back together again. I’ve got to get my ship back, the company too. I need to buy a laptop so I can keyboard the next book...

“I don’t have a home any more. No place to live. I want to buy a trailer home. And when I’m rich, I want to erect a monument to Russian officers — the ones physically alive but with mortally wounded hearts. Our indifference keeps tearing their hearts apart, and their honour and conscience have been spat on by people — the same people officers in all ages have gone into battle to defend...

“While you people sit nice and quiet there in the forest, here people are perishing. The country all around is full of various ‘preachers’. They all just talk about spiritual matters, but don’t really feel like doing anything. At least I’m going to do something. But here you’re telling me I should give valuable know-how away just like that! To everyone! Noton your life!”

‘Anastasia did determine a percentage for you too,” Grandfather interjected. “I know — three percent from the sale of the oil.”

“Sure, what’s a miserable three percent to me, when I can get three hundred for the oil?! I know what the world prices are now. And as for its healing properties, what they’re sell-ing out there is considerably less effective. I did some check-ing. They don’t know how to produce it properly Now I’m the only one who knows how to do it. Everything she said checked out. There’s nothing in the world that can compare with its healing impact. Besides, scientific studies confirm it. Pallas said that it could even restore a person’s youth. And you want me to go give it away just like that.

“You must take me for a fool. I’ve looked through so much literature, even sent people into the archives to confirm what she said. And they did. A lot of money went to that too.”

“YDU checked into everything — which means you couldn’t bring yourself to trust Anastasia right off. That lack of trust is what cost you the time and money”

“Yes, I did do the checking. I had to, you see. But now I’m not going to be a sucker any more. You talk about a ‘dawn for everyone’. Come on now — ‘dawn’? In that dawn of yours I’d still be a sucker. I wrote a book. I did everything just the way she asked me to. I remember her telling me: ‘Don’t hide anything, either the bad or the good. Humble your pride. Don’t be afraid to look ridiculous, don’t be afraid to be misunderstood.’ I haven’t hid anything. And what’s come of it?

“The book makes me look like a complete idiot. People stand there and say that to my face. That I haven’t got a spiritual ounce in my body, that there’s a lot I still don’t understand. They say I’m coarse and uncivilised. And even a thir- teen-year-old girl from Kolomna2 wrote me to say I’ve been doing things the wrong way And a woman from Perm3 came to see me, right to my doorstep, and said: ‘I wanted to see what Anastasia saw in him.’

‘“Don’t hide anything, either the good or the bad. Humble your pride. Don’t be afraid to look ridiculous, don’t be afraid to be misunderstood.’ She knew everything, didn’t she? She comes out pretty good in the book — that’s what people say — and how do I look? It’s all her fault. If it weren’t for the child, I could easily slap her one for what she did. Just think! I wrote everything down in good faith, just as she asked me to. And for that people tell me I’m insensitive and a coward to boot.

“Of course I’m a complete idiot. I’ve made myself into one. I obeyed her. I’ve written all that about myself, and now I’ll never live it down the rest of my days. And after I’m gone they’ll still make fun of me. The book’s got a life of its own, as it’s turned out. It’ll outlive me! And even if I stop printing it, what difference will it make? The underground press is already grinding out more copies. They’re trying to run it off on photocopy machines.”

All at once I stopped short and looked at the old man. A little tear could be seen slowly making its way down his cheek.

I sat down beside him. He was still silently looking at the ground. Then he spoke.

“You see, Vladimir, my granddaughter Nastenka is capable of foreseeing a lot. It’s not that she wanted anything for herself. She didn’t want fame, didn’t want money By taking part of the fame upon herself, she put herself in danger, but she saved you. And the fact that you come out the way you do in the book — well, that’s her doing. You’re right about that. But that was not to humiliate you — that’s how she was able to save you. By taking upon herself a whole mass of dark forces. All by herself. And you respond to her with the pain of misunderstanding and irritation. Think — is it easy for a woman who creates out of love to hold on like that?”

“What kind of a love is it,” I countered, “when her beloved is counted among fools?”

“Calling somebody a fool doesn’t make him one. A fool is one who mistakes flattering words for the truth. Think for a moment of how you would like to be seen by others. As a fig-ure exalted above all? As a brilliant intellect? And you could have made yourself a reputation like that with your first book. But then... pride and selfishness would have destroyed you.

“There are not even that many enlightened people who could hold out against sins like those. Pride creates an un-natural image of Man, it obscures the living soul. That is why the philosophers of the past and the geniuses of today can create so precious little. Because even after the first stroke of their pen they are so overwhelmed by a sense of self-conceit they lose right off what was given to them in the beginning.

“But Nastenka was smart enough to set up a protective barrier against flattery and worship which lead to pride. They won’t touch you now. She is saving you from a multitude of ills. And is protecting both your spirit and your flesh. You will write nine books straight from your heart. The Earth will be radiant with its Space of Love. And then, once you have dotted the final i in the ninth book, you will be able to under-stand who you are.”

“Come on! Isn’t it possible to tell who I am right now?” “Who you are right now — that’s pretty obvious. You are who you are at the moment. You are who you feel yourself to be. Whoever you will become, only Anastasia, possibly, knows. And she will wait, living each moment by Love. The fact that people sitting in their comfortable apartments call you a coward — that’s nothing. You should take it with a grain of salt. And suggest they try heading off into the taiga for three days with no gear. Let them try sleeping with a bear in a cave. To get the fall sensation, let them take a mentally deranged girl along — after all, wasn’t that how Anastasia seemed to you at first?”

“More or less.”

“Let any man who accuses you try sleeping with his mentally deranged companion. Out there in the backwoods, where they can hear the wolves howling. Could he really do that? What do you think?” the old fellow asked slyly

And no sooner had I pictured to myself the scenario he de-scribed than I burst out in a hearty laugh. And the two of us had a good laugh together. Then I asked him:

“Can Anastasia hear what we’ve been saying?”

“She will learn about all your deeds.”

“Then tell her not to worry I shall explain to everyone how to extract healing oil from cedar nuts.”

“Fine, I’ll tell her,” the old man promised. “But do you re-member everything Anastasia told you about the process?” “Yes, I think I do.”

“Right, tell it to me.”

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